There was, once upon a time, a tailor. Well, we might call him | Englishhomefast

There was, once upon a time, a tailor.
Well, we might call him a tailor.
But, oh dear, the seams weren't straight, the hems were lopsided.
The silk wasn't the right colour, the cut was bad.
I mean, he was not much of a tailor.
And consequently he didn't have any clients.
And consequently, he didn't earn much money.
And consequently he was very poor, and consequently his wife was very upset, and annoyed.
Well, that's to put it mildly.
And, each night, if he had a little bit of cash in his hand.
He would go down to the local pub, wouldn't he, and drink.
And come back in the early hours of the morning falling into the bed.
Oh, you know the story.
Well, Monday, as usual, down to the local pub, he was.
And, it was quite empty, 'cos he got there early, didn't he.
And in the far corner, he saw this gentleman sitting with a, top hat, and a great black cloak.
Very unusual, oh- rather a posh looking fellow, he thought.
So he got his pint of beer, and he went over, and he said, 'do you mind if i sit down.
' 'Nooo... Not at all,' said the impressive gentleman, 'do, join me.
'Well, he put his beer on the table, did our tailor.
And then, looking down, as he sat down, he noticed some, rather strange looking feet.
They weren't feet at all, were they.
They were cloven hooves, belonging to, you know who.
Well, that was a bit of a_ that was a bit of a surprise, but he sat down and drank his beer, and passed the time of day.
And, um, and the old gentleman said, uh, 'you know who i am, don't you.
' Took off his top hat, and there were two horns, sticking out from the front of his forehead.
Oh dear, the tailor felt a little bit, more uneasy about this.
And, uh, didn't quite know uh, what to say.
And, looked around the edge of the table there, swishing noises] yes, there was the long tail.
It was the devil all right.
'Well,' said the devil, 'and how's life treating you.
' 'Oh,' said the tailor, 'how's life treating me.
I mean to say, i mean it's desperate, isn't it.
Desperate.
I ain't got no good clients.
I mean, they don't appreciate a fine seam, do they.
And there's the wife, i'll go home tonight, and "nag, nag, nag," she'll be at me.
I don't know.
Life, life just isn't good at the moment, i can tell you.
' 'Oh, not so good is it.
' Said the devil.
'Well, i think i could improve matters a little bit.
I think i could, i think i could.
Um, what do you say to, three wishes.
' 'Oh ho, three wishes, hmm... Three wishes.
Uh, do you mean i can wish for anything i like.
' 'Anything you like.
' 'Oh ho, ha, bags of gold_ i could be a millionaire.
I could have a Porsche in the front, couldn't i.
I could be going out to the Beha_ Bahamas for the_ for my holidays.
And ho ho ho.
I'd be up there with all the celebrities, wouldn't i.
Oh, yes, three wishes.
''Well, just a minute.
Um, there is a little something you need to know.
Um, you can have these wishes, right now.
Anything you like.
And you can enjoy life fully, for twenty-five years.
And then, one day, i'll knock on your door, and i'll come to see you.
And you will come from the_ with me, down below.
' 'Oh, oh,' said the tailor.
'It's a bit hot down there isn't it.
' 'Ha ha, well, nice and warm shall we say.
' But um.
Well, the tailor scratched his head, and he hummed, and hawed, and he thought about his wife nagging when he got home, and hardly enough money to buy another pint of beer.
And he thought, 'done, i'll have those three wishes.
''All right.
As soon as you get home, you will have those three wishes.
You can wish for anything you like.
' [Whooshing noise] and the devil disappeared.
Well that proved to the tailor, that he really was the devil.
Well, our tailor friend goes home.
And, he opens the front door, and the whole cottage is filled with smoke, and his wife's in the kitchen crying away.
He goes in there.
'Look,' says his wife.
'Look, look what happened to this old cooker of ours.
Look, it's blown up, and the whole house is, is black, and, filled with smoke.
Oh, for goodness sake, you know, you promised to buy me a new cooker, didn't you.
At Christmas time.
And if you'd only bought me a n